ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
