you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
