sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize