you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
