you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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