I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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