he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
