That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
