Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I AM VODKA MAN
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize