hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
