Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
