Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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