dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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