Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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