my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
