she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
