when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Randomize
