So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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