i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
