Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
