Having a random hookup so left but love u
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
