i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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