you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
