im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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