so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
