wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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