i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
