Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
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