everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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