i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
