I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize