Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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