Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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