Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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