Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
