i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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