Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
