Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
