I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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