yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
only you would photoshop your dick
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
