i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
