You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
