i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize