I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
