She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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