I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Me. At least after what I've been through.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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