This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
