When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize