somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
