Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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