Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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