Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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