It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
