i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
