he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
this boner is exhausting
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Randomize
