if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm at about main and main street
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
