my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
