I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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