I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
