i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
