Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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