he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
