who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
