chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
